Raising Children: A Commentary by a Saint

Throughout the history of mankind, parents have been concerned about how and in what ways to raise their children. For Orthodox parents, godparents, and those directly involved in the welfare of children, the search and struggle goes on for the answers. Where are the answers? Bookstores and libraries are filled with books, journals, and magazines on the subject; colleges offer courses on this theme within departments of psychology, education, sociology. The issue even appears in TV and radio documentaries and inconspicuously on regularly scheduled programs. To an extent some of these are valuable tools. I spent part of my college life studying the trends, reading the latest findings, and comparing statistics. It wasn't until my graduate days that I stumbled upon a treatise written by St. John Chrysostom, Archbishop of Constantinople in the fourth century, entitled "On Vainglory and the Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children."
After I read his writing, I began to re-evaluate, rethink, and re-study the issue of parents raising children. Whatever guidelines St. John made, he presented them in keeping with the teachings of the bible and the whole life of the church; liturgically, sacramentally, spiritually, etc. How many of us only do this superficially, without the intense effort and thinking of St. John. The treatise points out that parents during the fourth century had the same problems with their children as parents do today, peer pressure, outside influences, sexual promiscuity, unwarranted behaviour, and even x-rated theaters. St. John gives some guidelines in these areas. The writing affirms that the raising of children is centered and must be centered in the home. I was also struck by St. John's understanding of the psychology of the child, formal education, disciplining children; and regretted I had not read his treatise before all those professional works. Being a good pastor, he considers the frailty of our human condition when discussing these areas without jeopardizing the church's teaching that as Christians we must struggle to overcome all temptations and remain faithful to Christ's teachings. His ideas are simple, common-sense, direct and to the point. I found most of the treatise's content undebatable and his love for parent and child an inspiration; even more so when I re-read it several years later.
Examining Our Motivations
St. John begins his discourse with strong exhortations to parents.
The father(1) thinks of every means, not whereby he may direct the child's life wisely, but whereby he may adorn it and clothe it in fine rainment and golden ornaments. . . why do(2) you rear in this luxury your son who is as yet still ignorant of this folly? . . . There is a need for a strong tutor to direct the boy, no need for gold . .. Implanting in him from the first an excessive love of wealth and teaching him to be excited by things of no profit, why do you plot even greater treachery against him? (v. 16)(3)
... vice is hard to drive away for this reason, that no one takes thought for his children, no one discourses to them about virginity and sobriety or about contempt of wealth and fame, or of the precepts laid down in the Scriptures. (v. 17)
In our own day every man takes the greatest pains to train his boy in the arts and in literature and speech. But to exercise this child's soul in virtue, to that no man any longer pays heed. (v.18)
Here St. John presents two underlining themes that appear throughout his writing: 1) Parents are responsible for raising their children. 2) Parents must direct their child's training towards wisdom.
Not only must parents be "strict tutors," but they must also be "zealous critics" (v. 29) and must mold the child (v. 78) For parents are like the creators of statues ... (who) remove what is superfluous and add what is lacking, inspect them day by day, to see what good qualities nature has supplied so that you will increase them, and what faults so that you will eradicate them. (v. 22)
To be a good trainer, parents must realize what are the priorities in their training. Do we want our children to be preoccupied in acquiring material goods and societal recognition, or do we want them to seek and "learn of the kingdom of Heaven and the great reward that awaits those who live sober lives?" (v. 61) Necessity is not the issue; but excessiveness and the amount of time and energy spent on luxuries vs. the attainment of a virtuous life. Yes, St. John is harsh and judgmental, but his words are based on love for both parties. One example comes to mind. Each yearwhen school opens, we send our children automatically, and give them practical advice: study hard, listen to the teacher, etc. We provide them with new clothes and accessories. We even have our calendar filled already with PTA meetings, fund raisers, football games. Now, have we at least equally prepared our children and ourselves for church school?
Parents Are Responsible
To whom? Maybe we never thought of the question. Or easily we may answer "our child," "God," "society," "ourselves" without realizing either the impact or the extent of the question and answer. Foremostly parents are raising their children for God. Since the birth of a child is a gift of God to the parents, the world, the Church - a way of God showing His love to us- it is proper and reasonable and should be natural that parents would want to show their love, joy and thanksgiving to God by raising their child to be His child. "We must care for those wondrous statues of ours ... fashioning these wondrous statues for God" (v. 22) "For it is not any mortal, but the King of the universe who intends to dwell in this (child) ... so let us build for the (child) ... the words of God" (v. 28). "For you are raising a philosopher (or the wisdom of God) and athlete (racing towards the Kingdom of God) and citizen of heaven" (v. 39, also v. 19 and v. 63).
St. John does not neglect to point out the advantages for the parent who raises his child for God. For a parent who sincerely tries to do the best he can, struggles, puts all his effort to this task is blessed by God as such and also through the child. "You will be the first to benefit, if you have a good son, and then God. You do labor for yourself" (v. 20). "If you do care for your son, show it then, and in other ways too you will have your reward" (v. 19).
"And he will learn to train his own sons in this way, and they theirs in turn" (v. 88). What a joy for grandparents! Not only does St. John say that generations will benefit from well-trained children, but also the world: "Our concern is with the origin and rhythmical education of the world" (v. 54) and "our legislation is for the world and today we are (training a child)" (v. 27, also v. 74).
Parents are also responsible to their child. How we train them can aid or hinder their entrance into God's Kingdom: the central theme and motivation for the writing. "Thus we shall be able to please God by rearing such athletes for Him, that we and ourchildren may light on the blessings that are promised to them that love Him" (v. 90). I don't think we want anything less for our children.
Virtues and Passions
Throughout his address, St. John lists several good qualities or virtues which parents should help children to attain, and bad qualities or passions to get rid of. Of course there are many more, but I think it is interesting to see some of the ones he lists. Virtues: abstention, contempt of wealth and fame, courtesy, devotion, dignified words, equability, fairness, praising of God, prayerfulness, reverence, self-restraint, simplicity, sobriety, sound judgement, steadfastness, thankfulness, understanding, vigilance, virginity. Passions: drunkenness, flippancy, foolishness, hatred, insolence, insult, lewdness, licentious speech, quarrelsomeness, rashness, shameful degradation, short-temperedness, slander, spitefulness, swearing.
It is important to remember that these virtues and passions affect the child's total life; in his actions, words, and deeds. St. John especially focuses on these when speaking of the child's senses through which "thoughts are corrupted or rightly guided" (v. 27).
As St. John points out, wisdom is "the master principle which keeps everything under control" (v. 85). Parents must guide the child to be wise in attaining the heavenly virtues and in fighting against the passions. They must help him decipher between them, and must teach him about "God and all the treasures laid up in Heaven, and Hell and the kingdom of the other world" (v. 85) for those who are wise and unwise.
Let us then implant in him this wisdom and let us exercise him therein, that he may know the meaning of human desires, wealth, reputation, power, and may disdain these and strive after the highest. (v. 86)
The fear of God and the power of forming such a judgement of human affairs as it behooves us to have are sufficient for wisdom. The summit of wisdom is refusal to be excited at childish things. (v. 87)
Being Wise
St. John focuses on several concrete areas for parents to help children form and use their wisdom. The child must be trained in his home to control his passions with his family. They should spur the child on to exercise and practice this. If the child succeeds in his family, then he may succeed in school, later in his job, and in life.
It is important to teach the child how to accept small losses now in order that he will accept and endure greater ones as an adult. He must try to control his anger and abrasiveness and become forgiving and placable if his toys are broken by others. "Children are made fractious by the loss of such articles and incline rather to lose their soul than to let the culprit go unpunished." Parents should not immediately replace the object because such an action can prolong those undesirable tendencies. Instead, wait until the child forgets about the toy and is not distressed about the incident before getting a replacement (v. 73). Of course at the onset, the child will feel upset and angry, but the point here is to exercise the inner strength of the child to accept and handle the situation in a Christian-like manner.
Don't spoil the child. Let him care for his own needs; not being dependent on others to respond to his every command. "This will make him strong and simple and courteous" (v. 70). Here the child should be given some reasonable household duties: running errands, keeping his room tidy, cleaning up after play, etc. Choosing tasks which show we trust him could help develop a sense of responsiblility in him. Doing chores may also teach him to be thankful when others offer assistance and not to waste time.
Let us train (children) from earliest childhood to be patient when they suffer wrongs themselves, but; if they see another being wronged, to sally forth courageously and aid the sufferer in fitting measure. (v. 66)
This can be attained "if they practice themselves (to be) patient when slighted and refrain from anger . . . narrowly examine the faults that they themselves have committed against others" (v. 67). Here St. John makes three points. It is virtuous to accept all sufferings without succumbing to passions; anger, complaining, blaming others, self-righteousness. Secondly, we should help those who are suffering unconditionally, no matter who they are, without questioning their suffering, and with all our effort. Finally, by having the child examine his own faults, he may find the suffering self-evident, and thereby, he may be incited to change his behavior. And even if the sufferings are not justified, accepting them is virtuous; "Let this be his first law, never to defend himself when ill-used or suffering misfortune, and never allow another to undergo this" (v. 69). Asking your child at dinner, "What happened in school today," can spur on such conversation either by what he did or witnessed.
Another exercise St. John notes is teaching the older child to let his younger sibling take precedence (v. 74). Unfortunately sibling strife is far too common in families. Though he did not list the other common forms: youngest rivalry for attention, middle child lost in the group, boys vs. girls, the point St. John conveys is that we should try to remove any child's desire for self-importance. Each child is uniquely created by God in His image and likeness, and therefore, each is important to the family, bringing his own contributions to the home. Children must respect each other, and parents must initiate this respect. Letting the children take turns doing privileged tasks, like choosing what movie to see, where to go on a Saturday day trip, can help. Doing something different for each child is another way: birthday parties, sightseeing, shopping; though we must be careful to point out that there is no competition between them, only love for that child who is special in his own way. And finally we can let every child eventually participate in the same activities when they reach certain ages: girl scouts, little league, later bedtimes. A balance of these approaches may help curtail some sibling strife, and thereby, bring the family members closer together. What if there is only one child? Maybe you could include cousins and friends in these exercises.
St. John concludes his ideas for direct family involvement with this thought:
Mold his spirit so that it begets rational thoughts . . . When he is dependent on no one, when he suffers loss, when he needs no service, when he does not resent honor paid to another, what source will there be left for anger? (v. 75)  
Life in the Church
"Let the child go to church" (v.79). St. John did not compromise this position. He did not tell parents that it's enough just to teach the child about God at home (and we may add church school), that it's all right to keep very young children at home, that it's understandable if the child has conflicting Sunday morning activities, like little league games. No! Parents, bring your child to church. Why is it so important? Here the child hears the teachings of Christ, the love of God for His people, the meaning of Christian living, the praising and thanking of God, and he has the opportunity to participate in God's Kingdom on earth in holy communion. How can we train our child to seek the Kingdom of God unless he hears and experiences it directly? Not only should we take our children to church for the Sunday liturgy, but we should also bring him to feast day liturgies, vespers, matins and lenten services. Remember: we don't want to overly tax the child, but bring him as often as is reasonable, at least more than Sunday mornings. The child will enjoy feast days because often something is blessed and distributed to the people; water, fruit, palms, bread. While he is in church, teach him about the saints on the icons, let him kiss icons and light candles, let him be an altar boy or sing in the choir. All of these can enlighten him in the words of God and can complement your training efforts. After all we want him to look forward to going to church, to desire it, not to consider it a drudgery. The child should participate as fully as he can in the sacraments of the Church. Having been initiated into the life of the Church through the sacraments of baptism and chrismation, he should continue in the sacraments of the eucharist (holy communion) and penance (confession).
Let him learn to pray with great fervor and contrition; and do not tell me that a lad would never conform to these practices. Certainly the lad would conform to them if he were keen-eyed and wideawake ... Let the boy be trained to pray with much contrition and to keep vigils as much as he is able. (v. 80)
Prayer
When all the parishioners gather together in church, their prayer is one prayer. Here the child will hear and be taught the prayer of the entire community. Parents must also teach the child to pray at home and eventually to help the child understand to make every word, action, and deed a prayer. Simply, prayer is talking to God. Our prayer should consist of praising, thanking, supplicating, and lamenting to Him; just as we converse with friends. This time with God should also include prayers he knows by memory: "O Heavenly King," "Holy God," the Lord's Prayer, and bible reading. The particulars of the time of prayer, frequency, length, and content will depend on each person, but a daily routine must be maintained. Some type of family prayer should also exist: the Lord's Prayer or feast day troparion before meals, weekly bible reading, blessing of the home. St. John again points out that we should not make prayer a burden for our child, and that a child must be alert and attentive when praying. Bedtime prayers are the popular form; however, we must try not to rush through the prayer because the child is tired and it is late.
Fasting
Regarding fasting from foods, St. John instructs parents not to overburden their child with this, but to let him fast on Wednesdays and Fridays (v. 79); as is the practice since the early Christian writing on church discipline, "The Didache" (The Teaching). We don't want to frustrate the child; only challenge him to an extent where he could be a winner, not a loser. Also remember that fasting entails much more than abstaining from certain foods. It also includes fasting from our passions- anger, hate, jealousy, pride, etc. Actually fasting involves `doing' rather than `not doing' something; which means fighting against our desires and becoming more like the image and likeness of God, living a true Christian life. The Church has set aside fasting periods; such as the lenten periods before Pascha and Christmas, to prepare us for the joy of the feast. Following the teaching of St. John, we should let our child fast from foods as he is capable to do, but we should teach him that fasting is `doing'; reading some good literature instead of wasting time, offering to do more household chores, spending more time with his siblings, controlling his temper. Also, the end of lent does not mean that he is to revert to his old ways, but he is to try to maintain this achieved record of excellence. Why go back when you are forging ahead? Why ruin what you have successfully begun?
Naming of the Child
"Let the stamp of a saintly man be impressed on the boy in every way" (v. 80) This "saintly man" to which St. John refers could be a good Christian friend of the family, an excellent priest: "Let him often see the head of his church and let him hear many words of praise from the bishop's lips" (v. 83), or the name of the saint whom the child bears. "Let us afford our children from the first an incentive to goodness from the name that we give them." Don't name the child after family members, "but rather after the righteous - martyrs, bishops, apostles." With the name parents choose, "let us begin the care and training of our children." And "let the name of the saints enter our homes through the naming of our children" for parents will also be taught and guided when they reflect on the child's saint. If the child's saint is also the name of a departed relative, parents and children reflecting on the saint's life and praying with the saint can be comforted at the loss of the relative (v.47-50).
The Church remembers different saints daily. Plan namesday festivities for each member of the family as you do birthday parties. Give your child an icon of his saint to help strengthen his personal relationship with the saint. Often godparents will present the child with the icon at his baptism. We should want our child to be inspired by a true follower of Christ, and not just by historical or fictional figures such as the country's presidents, football heroes or Superman. Recounting the life of his saint will exemplify for the child the importance of striving to live a life in Christ; of attaining Christian virtues, of combating Satan and temptations, of praising God, of reading the bible and praying to God in Christ through the Holy Spirit, of doing everything for the glory of God, of being a child of God. Often churches will organize Halloween parties for their children. I know of a parish that asked the children to dress up as their saint. The children had to do research on the saint's life in order to design a proper costume and to give clues when others would try to guess who they are. This is a good tool for children as well as adults.
Societal Living
St. John also remarks on how parents can help guide their child in other areas of social life. Parents should explain totheirchild theexistence and inequity of the different levels of society while emphasizing that he should treat all as brothers and be gentle to all (v. 72). "Let us teach him to attend political affairs, such as are within his capacity and free from sin" (v.89). "If he serve as a soldier, let him learn to shun base gain, and so too, if he defend the cause of those who have suffered wrong, or in any other circumstances" (v. 89). Parents must help the child to learn how to handle himself in a Christian way in all areas of his life. His entire life must reflect a Christian lifestyle; not just part of it and at certain times, but always. During dinner discuss the news headlines of the day with older children - how can we correct and/or understand the situation in Christian terms on the subject of nuclear warfare, conservation, a fire leaving a family homeless, murder, racism; to only name a few. We shouldn't pretend that these don't exist, but we should help our child to develop his stand on these issues in the home.
Influences on the Child
St. John instructs parents to be aware of their child attending degrading theater performances (v. 55-62); what we call today x-rated films and pornography. He especially refers to this in regard to the child's sense of seeing, fortheeye is "difficult to guard . . . that it lies high up and open and is beautiful ... not only sees but is seen." If your child is using his time viewing such spectacles, show him the natural creations of God, and "speak to him of the beauty of the soul." Go to a concert, enjoy a Sunday drive in the country, visit museums as a family.
Devise for him other harmless pleasures. Let us lead him to saintly men, let us give him recreation, let us show our regard for him by many gifts, so that his soul may patiently bear our rejection of the theater. (v. 76)
Money is necessary for such unwarranted indulgences; so "do not give him money, let nothing shameful come in his way." If you give your children allowances and if they receive money gifts, it may be wise to check periodically to see how they are using them. The entire family could decide to set aside special savings for vacations, Christmas shopping, almsgiving.
Parental behavior can be a positive or negative influence on the child's growth as well as determine the effectiveness of the parent's training. If parents are aware of their own vices, St. John instructs them to amend their ways and work on raising their child for God (v. 19). "If he (parent) disciplines himself also, (he) will be far better in teaching the boy these precepts, for, if for no other reason, he will improve himself so as not to spoil the example that he sets" (v. 70). How can we teach kindness if we aren't kind to our child or other people? How can we tell children to go to church if we just drive them without attending the services ourselves? How can we expect them to spend their time wisely if they see us always watching TV? How can we justify our improper behavior to our child and be a good example for him? Although the direct purpose for his writing is to help parents train their children properly, indirectly St. John teaches parents that they should also train themselves to attain a life in Christ, that they should be striving for the same goals towards which they are training their child. Whatever St. John applies to children also applies to adults. For in the eyes of God, all men are to be children of God.
St. John also realized that other people and surroundings can either aid or impede the parents' training efforts and the successfulness of the child attaining the goals. Teachers, babysitters, and any one who has frequent contact with the child must be aware of his own behavior and the child's behavior, and be willing to correct it. Therefore parents must choose good attendants for their child ` "let those who are participating with us in training stand out clearly" (v.37-38). For the welfare of their children, parents should be acquainted with their school teachers, playmates, and the philosophy of the school system. Household employees should also be examined as well as the parents' personal friends. If need be, parents should take some kind of action towards those who conduct themselves contrary to the standards set forth (v. 53). Unpleasant as it may be, we may have to take affirmative action - speaking out or altering the situation as best as we can.
St. John points out that the attendants should be conscientious especially of their own speaking habits as well as the child's. It doesn't take long to correct if everyone aids the child (v. 32-33). Proper speech not only excludes swearing and debase conversations; it also totally includes the content of tonality of our dialogue with another person or about some one else or a situation. How well do we handle our conversations with or about our parish priest, the elderly couple next door, the mayor of our town, our friends? Do we really want our child to hear what we say? How we speak about others is as significant as the kind of words or split-second profanities we utter. The child should neither participate in nor hear such negative words or conversations which degrade others. In general terms we can list what is desirable and undesirable: words of kindness, respect, truth, compassion, vs. words of slander, hatred, offence, rashness. Although a conversation may start out being wholesome, we can be tempted to draw it towards the other side.
Education in the Home
St. John gives one example for leisure conversations - teach the child a bible lesson; facts and meaning (v. 39-45, 52). He outlines for parents a teaching method; simple and effective. When the child is young, begin the lessons with pleasant, appealing stories. Suppertime might be set aside for this exercise. Tell him the step-bystep facts without alterations so the story will not become untrue. When appropriate, parallel the events of the story to the child's life and experience. "If a story can so master the children's soul that it is thought worthy of belief, the veritable truth, it will surely enthrall them and fill them with great awe." Use simple, easy vocabulary. If the second parent (or another adult or older child) is present, let him add coments to your story line; like team teaching. If a child cannot quite grasp the meaning of a word or phrase, don't fret for he will know the meaning through your facial expression and intonation. Repeat the story many times over a period of time. Parents will receive a reward of satisfaction as they see their child light up when he hears the story in church. Eventually let the child repeat it. If the child has problems recalling the story, give him hints so he can continue on his own. Once he knows the characters and plot of the story, begin to explain the meaning of the story and what impact it has on his life. Remember, a story may have many underlying points; eventually the parent should cover all of these.
Next when he has grown older, tell him also more fearful tales; for you should not impose so great a burden on his understanding while he is still tender, that you dismay him.
When the child is older, discuss with him the deeper and harder concepts found in those stories of his youth; divine punishment, deeds of grace and damnation, details about the destruction of Sodom, the Egyptian slavery. After the child knows the first story well in content, go onto another which is somehow connected to the first in plot or theme, and proceed with this story in like manner as the first.
There are so many events in the bible for us to choose and begin our exercise; the early families, prophets, kings of the Old Testament, the teachings, parables, miracles, and life of Christ, and the life of the apostles and the early Christians in the Book of Acts and letters of the apostles. Maybe we could substitute one of those bedtime fairy tales with a bible story. Many publishing houses have available bible stories in storybook form for younger, children. We could include these in our child's library. When he is older, we should give him a bible, anothergift item for godparents to consider. St. John suggeststhis exercise not only for a leisure time activity but as a way to complement our general training endeavors. For at times we may find it beneficial to remind the child of a story for encouraging or discouraging his behavior: the Good Samaritan, the suffering of Job, the Prodigal Son, the penance of David.
Discipline, Rules, Punishment
"I shall not cease exhorting and begging and supplicating you before all else to discipline your sons from the first" (v. 19). Parents are like kings and queens in ruling overtheir child. Thereforeas monarchs, they must set down laws in order to keep the family living uprightly. It is important for the child to know these rules when he is young and impressionable. Though it isn't impossible, it is more difficult for an older child to conform to those rules if he did not have to follow them as a young child. Parents must develop "laws that inspire fear and are strong." When rules are broken, parents must enforce them; otherwise they will become meaningless and useless to the child (v. 23-26). Parents must be firm in their discipline (v. 33) for they are presenting a "royal discipline" for God's children (v. 34).
What does one do when the child breaks a rule? Parents can opt for several reactions. At times punish the child with words and stern facial expressions. Or try using gentleness and make promises to do something for the child if he changes his inappropriate behavior. Other incidences may require physical punishment, but don't always resort to this method because "he will learn to despise it" and eventually this procedure will have no meaning to the child; thereby he will never reform his ways. Parents could use threats, but use meaningful ones that can and will be carried through to a concrete punishment (v. 30). "Remind him of the lessons that he has learned at home" and use other biblical illustrations regarding his improper behavior (v. 69). Finally parents can speak calmly to their child pointing out how wrong his behavior is, and then "let us kiss him and put our arms about him, and press him to us to show our affection" (v. 78); pointing out that everything we do is for the general well-being of him. Parents could also calmly point out that those who do follow their desires gain "nothing but shame, reproach, and damnation" (v. 79).
When and how should one punish and reward? In addition to the examples already cited are the following: If a child abuses others, punish him and he will stop the insults and slanders (v. 31, cf. also v. 69). If he speaks of other's faults, make him list his own (v. 31). "Express contempt for lewdness and give abundant praise for self-restraint. All these things serve to restrain the boy's soul; and so we shall find them giving birth to serious reflection" (v. 85).
Not only should parents "be stern and unyielding" when rules are broken, but they should also "be gracious and kind and bestow many rewards" on the child when he observes the rules. "Even so God rules the world with the fear of Hell and the promise of His Kingdom. So must we too rule our children" (v. 67). So often we forget and don't make an effort to reward our children. We can extend special privileges; like bedtime hour, going to the movies, visiting friends, or giving him gifts. Even verbal rewards of "thank you," "you handled that very well," "you did the best you could," and our smiles, hugs, and kisses are appreciated by children.
When to Start
Being a child means to be young and inexperienced, tender and easily influenced and persuaded; having no dependents, but depending on others. The earlier we begin to train our child to live a Christian life, struggling to overcome temptations, and desiring to be a child of God in His Kingdom, the likely both will succeed.
If good precepts are impressed on the soul while it is yet tender, no man will be able to destroy them ... The child is still trembling and fearful and afraid in look and speech and in all else. (v. 20)
(He) is very easily guided. He does not fight for wealth or glory - he is still a small boy - nor on behalf of wife or children or home. What reason for insolence or evil-speaking should he have? He contends only with companions of his own age. (v. 29)
The task of parents is an awesome one, and it might seem impossible in St. John's presentation. Yet he presents the goal which every Christian must strive to attain and specifically what goals we must guide our child to attain. He makes us face the real and important issues of rearing children. For myself, the treatise made me reflect more seriously on the subject. Maybe St. John did not give us all the answers, but I feel that we should consider his teachings a valuable asset in our work.

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1) St. John's readers probably consisted of fathers concerned with formal education for their sons; hence the frequent referral to the paternal parent and son in his treatise. This does not infer that mothers should not be involved in the rearing of sons or that the goal of training daughters is different. At times St. John refers specifically to mothers and daughters and the team work of parents; cf.  my article's sections on "Being Wise," "Education," "Influences." This one-sidedness is reconciled in his "Homily XXI on Ephesians" where he is speaking to families at the liturgy. Outside of direct quotations, I have chosen to refer to 'the son' or 'child' as 'he' and 'parent' and 'father' as 'parents'.
2) For ease of reading, I have altered some translations in direct quotations; a.e. 'dost' to 'do', 'thou' to 'you', etc.
3) Chrysostom, John. "An Address on Vainglory and the Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children." M.L.W. Laistner, ed. Christianity and Pagan Culture, Ithaca: Cornell University, 1951. Pg. 85-122.