Looking and Listening to: "Ordinary People"

Teachers of teenagers and concerned adults are always on the lookout for a vehicle that invites good discussion about communications between people, expression or suppression of feelings, and values of life. Ideal for such discussions is Ordinary People, a film which has been at the theatres in the past year, but which is on Cable TV this month and is available on videotape. Even more readily available as a paperback is the original novel, Ordinary People, by Judith Guest (1976) upon which the film is based.
For those who have seen the movie or read the book, you will recall that the story is about the Jarrett family, living in Lake Forest, Illinois, an upper middle class suburb of Chicago. The non-working hours in the lives of these "ordinary people," in a keenly ironic sense, are filled with club work, the golf game, visits to the orthodontist, pleasure trips, the social whirl, all of which seem to become a normal part of the life pattern in an affluent community.
Into this comfortable life style come jolts of a harsher reality. The older son, Buck, drowns in a boating accident, and the younger brother, Conrad, who survived, experiences such inner grief and guilt over the mishap that he attempts to take his own life. The story opens five months after the suicide attempt, with the family trying to fit their lives back into a "normal pattern.
We find at this point feeling somewhat like a tight rope walker, trying to balance his act so that he doesn't plunge again into the depths of despair and depression that he recently knew. He senses all eyes focused on him, because of his past act. He wants desperately to please the crowd - his parents and friends- to make up somehow for the terrible loss they've suffered, and to reassure them and himself that things can be normal again.
The father, Calvin Jarrett, a successful tax lawyer, feels Conrad's struggle and in a fumbling way, tries to respond. His solicitude and overreactions often lead to a negative response, frustration and his own inner agony. The more tragic focus is on the mother, Beth, whose natural feelings are completely suppressed by her dependence on orderliness, efficiency and social appearance to keep her life on an even keel.
Looking and listening to the Jarrett's situation, we would not find it hard to identify with them in some aspect. The scenario might not be as drastic or the same, but the confrontations, the feelings are familiar. They are those of ordinary people.
Because this story illuminates so many concerns in family life, even simply the response of one human being to another, and having a son, Greg, who isabout Conrad's age, he and I decided to begin a discussion of the book and/or film which we hope you may want to carry on in your own group or family.
Greg:    It was a good book, fast moving. I could relate to some of the situations.
Mom:    How did you see Conrad, Greg? What did you think his main problem was?
Greg:    His main problem was overcoming his guilt over Buck's death. He had looked up to his brother alot. Buck was Conrad's hero, and Conrad figured if someone should have slipped off the boat, it should have been him, not his brother.
Mom:    I got the feeling that Conrad's parents also looked upon Buck as the family star. Even as the more mischievous of the two boys, his having to be punished got him more attention.
Greg: Conrad was the good kid who wanted to please, so his parents didn't feel the need to pay as much attention to him. And he kept his feelings to himself. He didn't show his emotions outwardly. You remember, neither he nor his Mother cried at Buck's funeral.
Mom:    Yes, both he and his mother had a hard time showing emotion. They seemed to feel it weak or wrong to show emotion. That was partially why they had a hard time communicating with each other.
Greg:    You don't have to show your emotions all the time. But you need at least some outlet, like being able to talk to someone about what's happening to you.
Mom:    That was one of their biggest family problems. They couldn't talk openly about Buck's death. They changed the subject when his name came up. They avoided talking about attempted suicide, too. Their way of covering it over was just to be extremely polite to each other outwardly.
Greg:    His Mom really avoided him, so I think he felt that she blamed him for Buck's death.
Mom:    Perhaps she just didn't know how to cope with a problem as big as attempted suicide, so for her the best thing was to avoid it and her son. How did you feel Conrad's Father related to him?
Greg: At least he kept trying. He would talk to Conrad. But sometimes he got too worried. Parents are sometimes overprotective. They mean well, but they get carried away. But the Father's overconcern kind of made up for his Mother's seeming lack of interest and lack of affection. She didn't even want to touch him.
Mom: So Conrad's guilt feelings were intensified by thinking that his Mother didn't love him and that he was a disappointment to her.
Greg: Yes, and because she seemed to place so much value on outward appearances-how you looked, how the house looked, what people would think. Conrad felt he'd never measure up. He said he thought she'd never forgive him for all that blood on the bathroom rug.
Mom:    But I had the feeling that Conrad's struggle to get a hold of his life was moving in a positive direction. What do you think he had going for him?
Greg:    Well, he had a girlfriend. Not all of us are so lucky. She was someone he could talk to, who cared about him. His Father showed that he cared. And the psychiatrist he went to was very good.
Mom:    Conrad also had a sense of humor that helped him over a number of rough spots. Remember his Father's eagerness for Conrad to get together with his friends again. When Conrad mentioned that his friend Lazenby was picking him up for school, his Father asked, "How come he's picking you up? ... I mean will you be riding with him from now on?" To lighten the anxiety in his Father's words, Conrad answered, "I don't have a formal commitment yet. I'm gonna have my secretary talk to his, though." Do you think, Greg, that being financially as well off as they were was of help to Conrad?
Greg:    Well, it did provide him with a good psychiatrist- and a nice car- but, if they were less well off, they might have been closer as a family. With a smaller house they would have seen each other more. They wouldn't have had this and that and the other thing to do that took them away from each other so much.
Mom:    I wonder if the level of activity or "busy-ness" in a family is in proportion to how much money you have. We're not in the Jarrett's econ omic class but it's a problem we're always struggling with in our family.
Greg:     I guess you're right. I think having more money, though, can more easily sway you to live it up, especially if everyone around you is doing it.
Mom:    Conrad at one point said he didn't believe in God. God didn't seem too real to his parents either. If Conrad had believed in God, do you think it would have made a difference in the chain of events?
Greg:     Believing in a life after death would have helped him deal with Buck's death in a better way.
Mom:     If he had been a part of a real Christian community, the love and concern of the priest and friends could have been of great strength and help to him, and to all the family.
Greg:     And I don't think then that Conrad would attempted to take his life. He would have believed that God gave him life and it's part of His plan when that life should come to back to Him.
Mom:    Greg, if you had been a friend of Conrad's, how would you have tried to help him? Any differently than his friends?
Greg:    Well, I think I would have tried to be his friend more persistently. When Conrad got mad at his old friend, Lazenby, Lazenby just left.

We've touched on a number of issues that come up in the story which you readers may want to discuss in greater depth.
Some themes which you may wish to pursue are: